drugs don't work in patients who don't take them

This week at rotations, a woman called in and asked me to help her identify a pill for her. As I was trying to explain that it could only be the Coreg, which she was no longer taking, she started going off on a rant about how she's still stage 2 hypertensive (240/110 or something ridiculous like that... I don't even know how that's compatible with life...) even though she's on almost every class of anti-hypertensive medication known to mankind. A beta-blocker, CCB and ARB combo, and a diuretic. She tried to blame her multiple doctors for her uncontrolled blood pressure, and it took all the self-control I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from blurting out, "Well maybe if you just took your meds like you're supposed to and weren't two freaking months late on your refills, you wouldn't have to doctor-shop and get another drug for a condition that probably could have been handled by just one doctor and drug." Okay, I would never actually say anything like that to a patient. But I think it several times a day at my rotation site (not at my job though).

It got me to thinking about how so often as Christians, we talk about how we have the solution to some condition or other, and yet so often, we ourselves refuse to swallow the pill. We won't accept the remedy that we know will cure our ailments. The problem foremost in my mind is worry. And at this stage in life, worry about school, career, and everything that hinges on the former. I am afraid that we have gotten too good at appearing not to be worried, rather than actually ceasing to be worried. This certainly does not apply to everyone, but I can't help but feel that many of us know what to say and do to make it look like we trust God-- when in reality we don't trust him nearly as much as we should. Perhaps the best example of this is praying or asking for prayer in handling the stress of doing well in school. If someone talks about just needing prayer to get through school, people tend to think, "Wow, he/she must trust God so much." But take it from someone who mastered the art of fooling everyone into thinking I was good with God-- this is a very dangerous way of thinking. It is exactly the kind of thing that led me into my crisis of faith months ago.

It just seems like the more we talk about trusting God with our grades and our futures, the less we actually do it. I can't help but think that if we were really trusting in God with those issues, we wouldn't be wasting so much breath on them. We'd spend more time talking about the problems that are actually important, the ones with eternal consequences. I can't help but think that we've become so proud of the fact that we learn to lay our worries at the feet of Jesus, that we forget we are supposed to leave them there. All too often, it seems, we get on our knees to unload a burden, only to rise and pick that burden right up again. But that is not the kind of relief that Jesus offers. Hundreds of self-help books are out there to help people learn to "not sweat the small stuff." The world has everything you need to forget your problems for just a while. But only Christ is the key to lasting peace.

Every Christian knows this. So why are so few of us taking hold of this wonderful peace? Because like the woman with the whole gamut of anti-hypertensive agents, we don't think it's that serious a problem. Or maybe we're afraid of the side effects. As Christians, we are meant to reflect the beauty of Christ. But if the "peace" we accept from him is only as good as-- or even inferior to-- the so-called peace of the world, who is going to be attracted to it? We've heard that passage in Matthew 6 so many times, and yet sometimes we still just don't get it. It's not simply telling us not to worry. It illustrates what it looks like not to worry, to get to that point where you no longer think about those things but instead take it as a given that God will provide. And despite all those stories you hear, trusting God won't always mean you magically get only A's and B's on your transcript. It might mean getting C's or D's, but still being absolutely sure that God's will for your life is good, pleasing, and perfect.

"Since the days of Pentecost, has the whole church ever put aside every other work and waited upon Him for ten days, that the Spirit’s power might be manifested? We give too much attention to method and machinery and resources, and too little to the source of power." - Hudson Taylor

Hudson Taylor makes for a much better start than my own words. More importantly though, I think it really captures the lesson the truth that I saw in Thailand. When we finally settled into Bangkok, our schedule still wasn't set in stone, at least not by any human knowledge. We weren't quite sure what we would be doing and we weren't sure of anyone would show up to the things that we did do. All this uncertainty prompted much time on our knees in prayer. This served as a much firmer foundation than all the human planning in the world possibly could have. All too often, we like to trust in our own abilities, even in ministry. We like to plan events, go all out on marketing, and stock up on all these popular attractions. And in the chaos of trying to plan the "perfect" ministry, we forget to ask God to be our guide. Or worse still, we forget Him altogether.

I usually go crazy when there isn't even the slightest outline of a plan, but I ended up being really thankful for the way God worked in Thailand. I'm thankful especially because he didn't allow us to delude ourselves into thinking it was through our own effort.

There was one time in particular that I remember. Things were still pretty tense with Hector at that time. The day had been pretty relaxed and I felt fine for the most part. But in the evening, as Hector and I were going to the Lighthouse for our evening English classes, exhaustion began to settle in. I felt completely drained of energy and just wanted to go back to the condotel and sleep. This was shortly after I'd had to teach a lesson by myself, so I was tempted to just say, "Hector, I'm really tired. Can you just take care of this class today?" I'm not usually one for shirking my responsibilities, but at the time the thought was so enticing. Instead I threw up a quick prayer, asking for His grace to get me through this class. And surely enough, it did. As I started teaching, I started feeling energized again and full of joy. A gallon of caffeine could not have gotten me fired up the way the Spirit did.

Another huge answer to prayer came during the church retreat. The theme was "glom git" which roughly translates to "harmony." I don't think anyone in that room needed to hear that message as much as Hector and I did. The one verse that really struck me was Philippians 3:13b:

Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,

I'd been trying to forgive Hector for awhile at that point, but it wasn't until I was reminded of this oft-spoken of verse that I was finally free to really forgive him. I've heard far too many people say that forgiving means not forgetting. I used to think so too. After all, it takes will power to forgive without forgetting. Forgetting is generally seen as an involuntary result of poor memory or an early symptom of Alzheimer's. But I began to wonder, "If we have really forgiven someone, what is the point in remembering?" It brought to mind Peter's exchange with Jesus in Matthew 18.

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?'
Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'"

Note how Jesus states that we are to forgive others seventy-seven times (seven times seventy = 490). I believe this means that as long as a brother or sister is repentant, we are to forget their past offences because
no one in their right mind, save for a very bitter, grudge-holding person (not at truly forgiving) would be able to keep track all the way until the 490th time and then decide to withhold forgiveness after that. Also at the retreat, but for a different reason, I think Hector reached the same conclusion--that we had to free ourselves from the baggage of the past in order to strain towards the goal that laid before us.

These were only small examples of the power of prayer. God can work is tremendously more powerful ways, if we only have the faith. All too often, we pray small prayers. But we have a big God, who can answer big prayers. But we must pray with faith. The Thai Christians weren't afraid to pray big prayers. They'd often have prayer meetings and like us, they would pray for one another. But they also prayed for their nation. They prayed for their king to believe. They prayed for lives to be changed.

"'Have faith in God,' Jesus answered. 'I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.'"

7x70

Most church raised Christians have heard Matthew 5:44 occassionally throughout their lives.

But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you

Unfortunately, few of us have genuinely attempted this, otherwise we might plug our ears every time a pastor or fellow Christian reminds us of this commandment. A friend told me of her struggles with this the other day. Some time ago, she made a commitment to pray for her brother's salvation. At one time, they had been close. But as the years went by, they slowly and unrecognizably drifted apart. The "adult life" of college drew her closer to God, while it drew her brother closer to the world. At first, this merely led to a lack of connection-- nothing to talk about. They just didn't care about the same things anymore. Given more time, though, this neutral relationship became so subtly hostile. My friend began to feel like her brother looked down on her. He was always putting her down and discouraging. All the while, she prayed that God would capture her brother's heart. And yet, she admitted that sometimes she didn't think she really meant it. Does God still listen to our prayers when the hurt still lingers in our hearts?

I think that's a good question. These days, we mostly think of love as some warm, cheerful feeling. We speak of "being in love" or "falling in love" as if we have absolutely no say in the matter. It's all love it or hate it. That's how many people think today. People think that if love is forced, then it's not really love. But it precisely at those times that love can be most genuine, because it is most difficult. In the wise words of Jesus Christ,

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. (Luke 6:32)

It is not some supernatural ability to feel affection towards all people that makes a person loving. It is in the willful choice to act in love--even in the absense of any tender emotions-- that evinces a heart full of love. So as my friend prays for her brother, even as the sting of his words still pierce her heart, are her words merely wind? I don't think so. In fact, I think those moments on her knees will eventually restore feelings of love between not only her and her brother, but also her brother and our heavenly Father.

Seven times seventy times I'll do what it takes to make it right
I thought the pain was here to stay
But forgiveness made a way
Seven times seventy times there's healing in the air tonight
I'm reaching up to pull it down, gonna wrap it all around [Chris August]