33/53 everything sad is going to come untrue

There is something bittersweet about the sunrise. It breaks through the darkness of night and ushers in a brand new day. But then the realization hits. It's a new day, but nothing has changed, not in any significant way. Kids are still dying from hunger. People everywhere are still starving for love. Night is going to come again.

Yet this week instead of reflecting on all that is wrong and broken in our world, I couldn't help but think of Sam Gamgee asking Gandalf, "Is everything sad going to come untrue?" Not quite, but close.

Everything broken is going to be made new. And it will never be broken again. Everything will one day be as God intended it to be.

"'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.' He who was seated on the throne said, 'I am making everything new!'...There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever." Revelation 21:3-5a, 22:5

bucket list

A good friend recently surprised me with a journal of sorts, in which every entry has been predetermined. It satisfies my obsession with structure, unlike my actual journal, which is more like a jumbled mess of incoherent thoughts. Only once in a blue moon do I have those serious introspective reflections. (There was actually a blue moon this year.)

Today's list is the bucket list-- the list of things I want to do before I die. Only that's not what it says. The exact words are, "List the things you must do before you die" (emphasis added).

I appreciated the irony, seeing as some people think the world is going to end today. I don't. (I don't think it's going to end for at least another few centuries, unless the Church starts caring about missions more. I think Christians are supposed to be hastening Jesus' return, not wasting their time trying to predict the day. But I digress.) Nevertheless, it seemed like an appropriate list for today.

You see, I used to have a bucket list. I wrote it the week after my high school graduation because I had so many regrets accumulate over those four short years. Some time later, I threw it away. I've written a lot of stupid journal entries over the years, many of which I hope no one ever reads. But for some reason, that list was the only entry I ever felt compelled to tear out and throw away.

It wasn't like it was an entirely nonsensical list; there were arguably worthwhile pursuits. Like sponsor a child. Go on a medical mission. Buy a new kitchen for my mom. But those were far outnumbered by the stupid items. Like complete a 2000-piece puzzle. And lots of travel. Maybe I've just been reading too much of Randy Alcorn, but I now realize how those plans for traveling were so inconsistent with Christian beliefs. If I believe in eternity and a new heaven and a new earth, why should I waste my time flying around in crowded airplanes to see places that have been marred by human hands? Why not just wait until I can teleport and see everything in its full splendor and majesty?

Earlier this semester, I told my friend that I didn't understand why God chose Israel. They were so hard-headed and arrogant, I quipped. "How could anyone possibly be that stupid?" I'd asked. Looking back now, I am amused and slightly appalled at the irony. I am just as sinful, just as arrogant, just as slow to learn, just as quick to forget. God chose Israel for the same reason he chose me. The same reason he chose any human being at all-- because he is a God of grace.

A few days ago, a friend shared the story of the Parthian shot:

"Tomorrow, there will be an archery competition to find out the best archer," Drona said. "When the sun climbs over the horizon, be ready with your bows and arrows."

The students polished their bows. They sharpened their arrows. Next morning they gathered in the yard. Glossy bows and pointed arrows gleamed in the sun. The wind was still but the students' hearts fluttered with excitement. Drona stepped out. In his hands was a bird made of clay. He laid it on a tree far from them.

"See that clay bird perched on the tree ahead of us? Aim at its eye," he said. Then he called the first student. The student plucked an arrow from the quiver, placed it on the bow, and pulled the string. "What do you see ahead of you?" Drona asked. "I see the sun, the clouds, the trees," the student replied as he released the string. The arrow shot forward and landed yards away from the tree.

The second student took his position. He plucked an arrow from his quiver, placed it on the bow, and pulled the string. "What do you see ahead of you?" Drona asked. "I see the tree, the branches, the leaves," the student replied as he released the string. The arrow shot forward and landed near the roots of the tree.

The next student came forward, plucked an arrow from his quiver, placed it on the bow, and pulled the string. "What do you see ahead of you?" Drona asked. "I see the bird, its legs, its wings," the student replied as he let the string go. The arrow shot forward and grazed the wings of the bird.

Finally it was Arjuna's turn. He plucked an arrow from his quiver, placed it on the bow, and pulled the string. "What do you see ahead of you?" Drona asked. "I see the eye of the bird," Arjuna replied. "What else do you see, Arjuna?" Drona asked. "Nothing. I see only the round black eye of the bird," Arjuna replied as he released the string. The arrow shot forward with a swoosh. It pierced the center of the eye of the clay bird.

By the second student, I'd figured out the moral and the ending. But this in no way diminished the significance of the story. It still drove home the conviction that in the years intervening between this one and the one during which I trashed that list, I've lost focus. I don't think I've ever had that perfect, singular focus, but there was a time when it was closer to the target than it is now.

As I reflect on this and other recent events, I realize this list is not going to be a list. Because there's only one target. There's only one thing I must do before I die: please Jesus.

There are a lot of lists in this book that I wish I could write more for. But I hope this list never grows for me. I hope it never expands beyond what is truly important. And even though it's not a list if there's only one item, it's an important one to reflect on regularly. It's important to think about death, because we don't know any better when we're going to die than when the world's really going to end.

drugs don't work in patients who don't take them

This week at rotations, a woman called in and asked me to help her identify a pill for her. As I was trying to explain that it could only be the Coreg, which she was no longer taking, she started going off on a rant about how she's still stage 2 hypertensive (240/110 or something ridiculous like that... I don't even know how that's compatible with life...) even though she's on almost every class of anti-hypertensive medication known to mankind. A beta-blocker, CCB and ARB combo, and a diuretic. She tried to blame her multiple doctors for her uncontrolled blood pressure, and it took all the self-control I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from blurting out, "Well maybe if you just took your meds like you're supposed to and weren't two freaking months late on your refills, you wouldn't have to doctor-shop and get another drug for a condition that probably could have been handled by just one doctor and drug." Okay, I would never actually say anything like that to a patient. But I think it several times a day at my rotation site (not at my job though).

It got me to thinking about how so often as Christians, we talk about how we have the solution to some condition or other, and yet so often, we ourselves refuse to swallow the pill. We won't accept the remedy that we know will cure our ailments. The problem foremost in my mind is worry. And at this stage in life, worry about school, career, and everything that hinges on the former. I am afraid that we have gotten too good at appearing not to be worried, rather than actually ceasing to be worried. This certainly does not apply to everyone, but I can't help but feel that many of us know what to say and do to make it look like we trust God-- when in reality we don't trust him nearly as much as we should. Perhaps the best example of this is praying or asking for prayer in handling the stress of doing well in school. If someone talks about just needing prayer to get through school, people tend to think, "Wow, he/she must trust God so much." But take it from someone who mastered the art of fooling everyone into thinking I was good with God-- this is a very dangerous way of thinking. It is exactly the kind of thing that led me into my crisis of faith months ago.

It just seems like the more we talk about trusting God with our grades and our futures, the less we actually do it. I can't help but think that if we were really trusting in God with those issues, we wouldn't be wasting so much breath on them. We'd spend more time talking about the problems that are actually important, the ones with eternal consequences. I can't help but think that we've become so proud of the fact that we learn to lay our worries at the feet of Jesus, that we forget we are supposed to leave them there. All too often, it seems, we get on our knees to unload a burden, only to rise and pick that burden right up again. But that is not the kind of relief that Jesus offers. Hundreds of self-help books are out there to help people learn to "not sweat the small stuff." The world has everything you need to forget your problems for just a while. But only Christ is the key to lasting peace.

Every Christian knows this. So why are so few of us taking hold of this wonderful peace? Because like the woman with the whole gamut of anti-hypertensive agents, we don't think it's that serious a problem. Or maybe we're afraid of the side effects. As Christians, we are meant to reflect the beauty of Christ. But if the "peace" we accept from him is only as good as-- or even inferior to-- the so-called peace of the world, who is going to be attracted to it? We've heard that passage in Matthew 6 so many times, and yet sometimes we still just don't get it. It's not simply telling us not to worry. It illustrates what it looks like not to worry, to get to that point where you no longer think about those things but instead take it as a given that God will provide. And despite all those stories you hear, trusting God won't always mean you magically get only A's and B's on your transcript. It might mean getting C's or D's, but still being absolutely sure that God's will for your life is good, pleasing, and perfect.

Last night at small group, a member shared about her falling away from faith. She painfully recalled a time in her life when she had pleaded with God to take away the pain and give her comfort, and yet received no response. God was silent and seemingly absent in her time of need. As she poured her heart out, my heart ached as I found myself at a loss for words. I can do well enough for myself by recalling Job's story or even recounting the torturous darknesss and abandonment that Mother Theresa once endured. But how, I wondered, could I answer one who had lost her faith? How do you make sense of suffering to someone that scarcely believes that there is a God anymore, much less believe that he is all good and all-loving and intimately involved in our lives?

It was then that it occurred to me that there were no words that could touch her heart, except for those blessed by God. The most elegant prose could fail to even touch her on the basest level. And yet the simplest of words, if only with God's blessing, could have brought her running back into the Father's arms. And that threw me into an even deeper turmoil than before. I didn't just begin to wonder about this one precious life, but about the multitude of lives. I wondered why the soil was so rocky, the sun so fierce, and the weeds so numerous where the gospel seed is so plentiful? And why also, where the soil good and the trees fruitful is the gospel is so rare and precious? But those questions only brought me full circle once again. I longed to learn God's marvelous purpose. I wanted to know why. But he doesn't owe that answer to me. He doesn't owe anything to me. God has proven faithful and true, even and especially when I haven't. Why should I doubt him now?

Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said:



"Who is this that darkens my counsel


with words without knowledge?
Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you,


and you shall answer me.
"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?


Tell me, if you understand.
Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!


Who stretched a measuring line across it?
On what were its footings set,


or who laid its cornerstone-
while the morning stars sang together


and all the angels shouted for joy?
"Who shut up the sea behind doors


when it burst forth from the womb,
when I made the clouds its garment


and wrapped it in thick darkness,
when I fixed limits for it


and set its doors and bars in place,
when I said, 'This far you may come and no farther;


here is where your proud waves halt'?
"Have you ever given orders to the morning,


or shown the dawn its place,
that it might take the earth by the edges


and shake the wicked out of it?
The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;


its features stand out like those of a garment.
The wicked are denied their light,
and their upraised arm is broken.
"Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea


or walked in the recesses of the deep?
Have the gates of death been shown to you?


Have you seen the gates of the shadow of death?
Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?


Tell me, if you know all this.
"What is the way to the abode of light?


And where does darkness reside?
Can you take them to their places?


Do you know the paths to their dwellings?
Surely you know, for you were already born!


You have lived so many years!
"Have you entered the storehouses of the snow


or seen the storehouses of the hail,
which I reserve for times of trouble,


for days of war and battle?


What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed,


or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?
Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain,


and a path for the thunderstorm,
to water a land where no man lives,


a desert with no one in it,
to satisfy a desolate wasteland


and make it sprout with grass?
Does the rain have a father?


Who fathers the drops of dew?
From whose womb comes the ice?


Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens
when the waters become hard as stone,


when the surface of the deep is frozen?


"Can you bind the beautiful Pleiades?


Can you loose the cords of Orion?
Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons


or lead out the Bear with its cubs?


Do you know the laws of the heavens?


Can you set up God's dominion over the earth?
"Can you raise your voice to the clouds


and cover yourself with a flood of water?
Do you send the lightning bolts on their way?


Do they report to you, 'Here we are'?
Who endowed the heart with wisdom


or gave understanding to the mind?
Who has the wisdom to count the clouds?


Who can tip over the water jars of the heaven?
when the dust becomes hard


and the clods of earth stick together?
"Do you hunt the prey for the lioness


and satisfy the hunger of the lions
when they crouch in their dens


or lie in wait in a thicket?


Who provides food for the raven


when its young cry out to God


and wander about for lack of food?


-Job 38

life is waiting for the one to lose control

I've read that there are people out there ready to accept the truth of the gospel of Christ, if only they could hear it. I hope that someone reading this blog belongs to that group of people.

Every human being, having been created in God's image, has eternity etched on his or her heart. Even the cavemen didn't believe that this life is all that we have. Although we have this basic knowledge, it's difficult to really understand what it means to be eternal. Some people have taken it to mean that we are endlessly reincarnated until we reach some golden standard of spirituality. But only the elite few ever escape. Most people fall far short of the requirements for whatever is the ultimate in eternity.

But Christianity tells of the solution to our predicament. It is in the cross of Jesus Christ. Without it, we are hopelessly lost. But God so loved the world that he sent his only son to die for us. As an illustration of what love and sacrifice this required, imagine if Hollywood's celebrities stepped down from their places of privilege and lived in the slums of a third world country. Or if Steve Jobs took nothing with him and lived in a remote village of Kenya. Even that doesn't come close to Jesus stepping down from a heavenly throne to dwell among us-- to be born to poor parents in a manger and to have no place to lay his head when he grew older.

I used to naively think that it wasn't necessary for Jesus to die on the cross. I thought, "If God is all powerful and all loving, then all he has to do is just forgive us. No one had to die." But God is also a holy God; he can't stand sin. Jesus Christ, by being the spotless sin sacrifice, was the only fool-proof solution. We have only to believe in Christ and have a relationship with him. And when we stand before the judgment seat of God at the end of time, instead of seeing us alone, God will see us cloaked in the righteousness of his son Jesus. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I imagine being shown an accelerated replay of my life when I die, and there are things that I won't want to see-- things that I'm ashamed of... things deserving of punishment. But because of God's grace in the sacrifice of his only son, even sinners can enter into his presence. It takes time and learning to begin to grasp how wonderful it is to be in the presence of God. It's not like all those cliche descriptions you hear of floating around on clouds and eternal bliss. And while there is lasting joy and satisfaction, it is even better than the most appealing picture you've ever seen or heard of. The invitation is free. What will you choose to do with it?

"Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." - John 17:3