31/52 one way street

The other day I read an article in Relevant magazine entitled "20 things to know before you're 30."
Number two on the list:

Say no to one-way friendships.

I have a ways to go before I hit the big 3-0, but I hope this never makes the list of life lessons I've learned. Why? Because I think it's totally inconsistent with the faith we claim to profess.

Jesus left us with the commandment "Love one another as I have loved you." How then could we dare sever the ties of one-way relationships? There was no more lop-sided love than God's love for us. He stepped down from the highest throne in heaven to dwell amongst the lowest on earth. He washed the feet of the one who would betray him with a kiss. He looked with love on the one that would deny him thrice before the end of night. He gave his life for the very ones who nailed him to a tree.

There was and is no greater love than this. Few things stir our hearts as unrequited love does, because we see in the lover the purest of loves. It exists not for the merits of or due to expectation of anything from the beloved. It exists simply for the sake of the beloved. To bring joy to the beloved. Yes, of course love hopes for mutual affection. But true love endures in spite of continued indifference or even outright rejection. It "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

So, no, do not say no to one-way friendships. Say no to conditional friendship. Love is not quid pro quo.

"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them."-Jesus

25/52 love is an action

I'm getting to that age where my parents begin to fear that if I don't get into a serious relationship soon, they're going to end up with grandkids that are deformed, retarded, or both. Of course, every time my mom brings up the topic of marriage, it takes all the self control I can muster to stifle a gag. When she asks what's so bad about marriage, I mumble some nonsense about not wanting to settle down and stay in one place forever. But as you might suspect, my aversion to marriage is a little more complicated than that. The truth is that I don't believe I'll find another person in my generation that still holds the traditional view of marriage. The truth is I'm afraid I'll end up with someone that wants to just be in love and not to love.

 I don't even mean traditional in the one man and one woman sense. (Though I do believe in that.) I mean traditional as in it's about commitment-- not just love. Or not the kind of love that everyone talks or writes about these days. The kind of love that's mostly about a feeling. The kind of love where you "just know" that the one you're with is indeed "the one." It's cute and sweet but all too often ultimately lacking in substance. People describe the wonders of falling in love. But if you fall in love, you can fall out of it. If you work on loving though, the foundation is so much stronger.

So many couples these days write their own vows. It's cute. It's personal. But either consciously or unconsciously, there's that avoidance of those traditional vows. To love in sickness and in health. For better or worse. Rich or poor. Til death do us part. Finding someone that still believes in this in like finding a unicorn. (Okay, it's not that bad. It's like finding a four-leaf clover, which actually does exist.)

My parents, like the vast majority of traditional Asian couples, are not particularly affectionate. I don't remember them hugging or cuddling like those couples in the movies when I was a kid. (Sometimes I wondered how I even came into existence.) They fought as all couples do. They still do sometimes. But giving up has never been an option.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-6

14/52 love that knows no end

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

A picture is worth a thousand words, but even a thousand words would not be enough to describe the depths of His love.

One of my favorite songs at the moment is Group 1 Crew's "His kind of love." Every line is purposeful, but in light of Easter weekend I think the most meaningful is in the second verse:

Tell me what kind of God would choose to save the bruised, the broken, the sinners, the runaways. 

I first stumbled upon this cross during what you could probably call the most rebellious part of my life. I'd just had another fight with my parents and needed to get away. I was everything in that line and worse. What amazes me most looking back now is the fact that God pursues us when we are in no state to reciprocate and he persists despite our continued rejection. Love these days is so often portrayed as a mutual attraction. There is something within each individual that draws the one towards the other. But here is something entirely different. Something that completely blows the standards of love out of the water. That is, that while we were still utterly unattractive and by all measures unlovable, God loved us and loved us to the point of death, even death on a cross.

"How do you sing about a love so deep, without feeling like you miss something? I could try, but I could not explain his kind of love... How do you ever try to comprehend a love that knows no end?" - group1 crew

8/52 love

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails." - 1 Cor. 13:4-8a

I don't know what people have against Valentine's Day. It's not like anyone gets upset that people are generally not very grateful or generous except around Thanksgiving and Christmas. My heart is generally hard and self-centered-- I'll take any reminder I can get to love others. Happy Valentine's Day!

2/52 unexpected

Every once in awhile, I receive a text from a five-digit number. In most cases, it's just SMS spam. The blood center wants my platelets or some business is advertising the latest promotion. But on some rare occasions, it comes from a close friend, who is now 11,000 miles away. It always comes when I least expect it, but often most need it. The effect of that one brief message lasts for weeks-- if not months.

Although the 160-character limit restricts the content, it never detracts from the meaning. This simple, yet unexpected gesture conveys so much more than the words it delivers. It says, "I know we haven't spoken or even written in a long time, but I think of you every day." It says, "Even though half the world now separates us, we are no more distant than when we lived half an hour away from one another."

We are often told that the complexity or the price tag of a gift is an indication of the love behind it. And yet it is often the simplest yet most thoughtful of acts that warm our hearts the most. Their effect is further magnified when we don't expect it. Maybe it's because I belong to a culture that rarely displays affection, but I can't help but feel that we don't express our love often enough. And as a result, too many forget that they are loved. If you love someone, don't let them forget it.

"One kind word can warm three winter months." - Japanese proverb

7x70

Most church raised Christians have heard Matthew 5:44 occassionally throughout their lives.

But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you

Unfortunately, few of us have genuinely attempted this, otherwise we might plug our ears every time a pastor or fellow Christian reminds us of this commandment. A friend told me of her struggles with this the other day. Some time ago, she made a commitment to pray for her brother's salvation. At one time, they had been close. But as the years went by, they slowly and unrecognizably drifted apart. The "adult life" of college drew her closer to God, while it drew her brother closer to the world. At first, this merely led to a lack of connection-- nothing to talk about. They just didn't care about the same things anymore. Given more time, though, this neutral relationship became so subtly hostile. My friend began to feel like her brother looked down on her. He was always putting her down and discouraging. All the while, she prayed that God would capture her brother's heart. And yet, she admitted that sometimes she didn't think she really meant it. Does God still listen to our prayers when the hurt still lingers in our hearts?

I think that's a good question. These days, we mostly think of love as some warm, cheerful feeling. We speak of "being in love" or "falling in love" as if we have absolutely no say in the matter. It's all love it or hate it. That's how many people think today. People think that if love is forced, then it's not really love. But it precisely at those times that love can be most genuine, because it is most difficult. In the wise words of Jesus Christ,

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. (Luke 6:32)

It is not some supernatural ability to feel affection towards all people that makes a person loving. It is in the willful choice to act in love--even in the absense of any tender emotions-- that evinces a heart full of love. So as my friend prays for her brother, even as the sting of his words still pierce her heart, are her words merely wind? I don't think so. In fact, I think those moments on her knees will eventually restore feelings of love between not only her and her brother, but also her brother and our heavenly Father.

Seven times seventy times I'll do what it takes to make it right
I thought the pain was here to stay
But forgiveness made a way
Seven times seventy times there's healing in the air tonight
I'm reaching up to pull it down, gonna wrap it all around [Chris August]