25/52 love is an action

I'm getting to that age where my parents begin to fear that if I don't get into a serious relationship soon, they're going to end up with grandkids that are deformed, retarded, or both. Of course, every time my mom brings up the topic of marriage, it takes all the self control I can muster to stifle a gag. When she asks what's so bad about marriage, I mumble some nonsense about not wanting to settle down and stay in one place forever. But as you might suspect, my aversion to marriage is a little more complicated than that. The truth is that I don't believe I'll find another person in my generation that still holds the traditional view of marriage. The truth is I'm afraid I'll end up with someone that wants to just be in love and not to love.

 I don't even mean traditional in the one man and one woman sense. (Though I do believe in that.) I mean traditional as in it's about commitment-- not just love. Or not the kind of love that everyone talks or writes about these days. The kind of love that's mostly about a feeling. The kind of love where you "just know" that the one you're with is indeed "the one." It's cute and sweet but all too often ultimately lacking in substance. People describe the wonders of falling in love. But if you fall in love, you can fall out of it. If you work on loving though, the foundation is so much stronger.

So many couples these days write their own vows. It's cute. It's personal. But either consciously or unconsciously, there's that avoidance of those traditional vows. To love in sickness and in health. For better or worse. Rich or poor. Til death do us part. Finding someone that still believes in this in like finding a unicorn. (Okay, it's not that bad. It's like finding a four-leaf clover, which actually does exist.)

My parents, like the vast majority of traditional Asian couples, are not particularly affectionate. I don't remember them hugging or cuddling like those couples in the movies when I was a kid. (Sometimes I wondered how I even came into existence.) They fought as all couples do. They still do sometimes. But giving up has never been an option.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-6