"if the love is there, you know it. why do we always need words?"

I have a love/hate relationship with words. They're the channel through which I can release the gamut of thoughts and feelings. When used properly, they can beautifully express even the most profound thoughts and emotions. When abused, however, words can strip anything of meaning. I'm convinced that we often chant the same mantras to ourselves simply because the last repetition wasn't convincing enough. We keep telling ourselves the same thing, vainly hoping for the moment when lies or wishful thinking finally become truth.

That's not always true, of course. If a husband and wife tell each other every single day that they love each other, that doesn't mean it isn't true. And there are plenty of stories of Christians praying for the same thing every day for months or years on end. I don't think that many of them doubt God's ability or willingness to answer those prayers. But it's nearly impossible for me to do that. By the third day, I begin to feel as if the words are somehow becoming only noise. It all seems rehearsed, like a script, even if I still mean it with all my heart. It just doesn't feel right asking God every single day to save a friend. If I did that, I'd feel like a pesky little kid, begging a parent for a new toy.

For a long time, I've felt guilty about this. And in some ways, maybe I still do. I always thought it meant that I was terrible at persevering in prayer. But recently I had a chance to catch up with an old friend. I remember once, months or maybe over a year ago, she suddenly came across my mind. We hadn't talked to each other in years maybe, but I knew she was going through a tough time. She was someone that many of us would envy. Incredibly beautiful, remarkably brilliant, and extremely successful. But she was miserable. I felt such a terrible ache in my heart that I knelt and prayed. I prayed that God would let her know love and joy. That was it. No prayer and no follow up in the months that followed. By chance, we were finally able to see each other again, and she seems like a totally different person. Well, not totally. But the difference is tremendous; she seems happy now.

I'm not writing this because I think everyone should stop praying for the same thing all the time, because some things (like the world, or even just our country) need regular prayer. Or that you should wait until your heart literally hurts before you get on your knees and pray. But I like to think that I'm not alone. And if you're like me in this regard, then I hope you can start to not feel guilty for pouring it all out at once, and not trying to force out more. After all, Jesus said that with faith, you can tell a mountain to move, and it will move. He didn't say that if you tell a mountain to move every single day for x number of days, that it will eventually move. You don't always need many prayers with many words. You just need a little faith.