This week at rotations, a woman called in and asked me to help her identify a pill for her. As I was trying to explain that it could only be the Coreg, which she was no longer taking, she started going off on a rant about how she's still stage 2 hypertensive (240/110 or something ridiculous like that... I don't even know how that's compatible with life...) even though she's on almost every class of anti-hypertensive medication known to mankind. A beta-blocker, CCB and ARB combo, and a diuretic. She tried to blame her multiple doctors for her uncontrolled blood pressure, and it took all the self-control I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from blurting out, "Well maybe if you just took your meds like you're supposed to and weren't two freaking months late on your refills, you wouldn't have to doctor-shop and get another drug for a condition that probably could have been handled by just one doctor and drug." Okay, I would never actually say anything like that to a patient. But I think it several times a day at my rotation site (not at my job though).
It got me to thinking about how so often as Christians, we talk about how we have the solution to some condition or other, and yet so often, we ourselves refuse to swallow the pill. We won't accept the remedy that we know will cure our ailments. The problem foremost in my mind is worry. And at this stage in life, worry about school, career, and everything that hinges on the former. I am afraid that we have gotten too good at appearing not to be worried, rather than actually ceasing to be worried. This certainly does not apply to everyone, but I can't help but feel that many of us know what to say and do to make it look like we trust God-- when in reality we don't trust him nearly as much as we should. Perhaps the best example of this is praying or asking for prayer in handling the stress of doing well in school. If someone talks about just needing prayer to get through school, people tend to think, "Wow, he/she must trust God so much." But take it from someone who mastered the art of fooling everyone into thinking I was good with God-- this is a very dangerous way of thinking. It is exactly the kind of thing that led me into my crisis of faith months ago.
It just seems like the more we talk about trusting God with our grades and our futures, the less we actually do it. I can't help but think that if we were really trusting in God with those issues, we wouldn't be wasting so much breath on them. We'd spend more time talking about the problems that are actually important, the ones with eternal consequences. I can't help but think that we've become so proud of the fact that we learn to lay our worries at the feet of Jesus, that we forget we are supposed to leave them there. All too often, it seems, we get on our knees to unload a burden, only to rise and pick that burden right up again. But that is not the kind of relief that Jesus offers. Hundreds of self-help books are out there to help people learn to "not sweat the small stuff." The world has everything you need to forget your problems for just a while. But only Christ is the key to lasting peace.
Every Christian knows this. So why are so few of us taking hold of this wonderful peace? Because like the woman with the whole gamut of anti-hypertensive agents, we don't think it's that serious a problem. Or maybe we're afraid of the side effects. As Christians, we are meant to reflect the beauty of Christ. But if the "peace" we accept from him is only as good as-- or even inferior to-- the so-called peace of the world, who is going to be attracted to it? We've heard that passage in Matthew 6 so many times, and yet sometimes we still just don't get it. It's not simply telling us not to worry. It illustrates what it looks like not to worry, to get to that point where you no longer think about those things but instead take it as a given that God will provide. And despite all those stories you hear, trusting God won't always mean you magically get only A's and B's on your transcript. It might mean getting C's or D's, but still being absolutely sure that God's will for your life is good, pleasing, and perfect.
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