It's been awhile since I've been to church on a regular basis. For a few weeks, I tried getting up for the 8am service. But after the one time my boss asked me to work at 9, I gave up on that. As always, I tried to rationalize my actions by telling myself I needed the rest. But that reason was exactly why I should have been going to church all that time.

The other day I met up with an old friend of mine and from the start she declared, "Well, it's no wonder you got depressed. You weren't going to church." It seemed like such a bold statement, especially from someone that I hadn't talked to in almost a year. But it was true.

I've probably said this about a hundred times, and for the most part it's still true. I love my job. It's probably the only reason I didn't consider dropping out of pharmacy school even once this school year. But over time, work has become less of a love and more of an idol. Breaks don't exist for me anymore. If I'm not in school, I'm at work. And even when I'm not at work, I'm thinking about work. Or I'm doing "homework" for my job. Most nights I go home physically, mentally -- and in recent days, emotionally-- exhausted. 

In spite of this, I managed to find the energy to drag myself to church after a full day Saturday. For so many months, I'd foolishly thought that what I needed was to just go home and crash. In reality, what I needed was fellowship with other believers and renewal from the word of God. It wasn't even the primary focus of his message, but something the pastor said was exactly what I needed to hear. He then went on to share Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the LORD; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!"

Last year when Benji died, my heart ached like never before. And it was the first time in years when darkness once again stood at the door. But even as I lay on the floor and bawled my eyes out like a small child, I didn't feel alone. Though my heart mourned over  the best friend I'd lost, I knew someone even better was waiting to fill that role. But now, on these nights when I am once again plagued by feelings of inadequacy and the fear of failure, I feel truly alone. In those times when I'm agonized by the remembrance that I have family and friends that aren't saved, and I beg God to give them faith and the gospel, it seems as if I'm only speaking wind, as if I'm pleading a hopeless cause. But it is in the darkness that the Word shines brightest. There was such unspeakable comfort in that short, simple verse.

I've written on the topic a few times before, but it's still a message that I needed to be reminded of and that many "seasoned" Christians need to be reminded of. The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. So many of us, it seems, have bought into the world's belief that observance of a Sabbath is legalistic. We complain about having to wake up early on a Sunday. Or sitting through a "boring" sermon. And listening to "overplayed" worship music. Oh, but if only we would open our eyes and see that it was meant for our good. If only we approached the altar with the right mindset. Then maybe we would know the renewal of the living water more fully.