rough edges

This summer was one filled with growth, but it wasn't always easy. I feel like my entries make it seem like one long, smooth process of walking faithfully with God, but there were definitely times when I dug my heels into the ground and had to be dragged along. Someone from OMF used the metaphor of trying to shove a rectangular block into a circular hole. The rounding of the edges can be slow and painful. I've never actually seen the refining process, but I imagine it's like purifying silver-- you can see the imperfections slowly melting away.

One of my major shortcomings that God pointed out to me was in the role of a follower. Generally in the past I've considered myself a fairly good follower. After all, I'm a pretty bad leader. Actually, I'm a really bad leader. So by default I should be good at following, right? WRONG.

I think from the start I had some problems with Brian's leadership. I felt like he was never serious when he had to be. And as "Responsible Rebecca" that was really frustrating for me. Instead of just telling him though, I kept my thoughts pent up inside and let them transform into something quite ugly. It got to the point where I wondered, "How in the world did he get chosen to lead?"

But even as I asked myself that question, I knew the answer. Brian was chosen because he's an incredible spiritual leader that loves God and wants to see people, especially Thai people, come to know Him. He was humble enough to ask me if there were any other ways I thought he could improve, even though there was a potential for me to go on a long, angry rant. But at that point almost everything had been said. It really hit me then at how far short I'd fallen as a follower. On my application, I wrote that exhortation was one of my spiritual gifts. But did I put it to use while we were in Thailand? I'm sad to admit this, but no I didn't. I should have known that Brian needed encouragement because I've been a leader before without someone to encourage me and it's terrible. He had the heart to improve, but no one was willing to tell him where he needed improvement.


Of course I'm not going to waste my time thinking about all the things I should have said, but I thought this was something that maybe some people needed to hear. Our leaders will never be perfect. There's always going to be at least one area of shortcoming. As followers, we shouldn't hold our criticisms inside and allow them to fester into disrespect. But instead we should speak the truth in love, in order that our leaders can work to better themselves.

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other." - 1 Thessalonians 5:11-13