predestination

One of the ideas that I've half-heartedly been wrestling with since last semester is the doctrine of predestination in relation to Christianity. I describe it was being half-hearted because I wasn't so much wrestling as I was trying to resist an idea that for the most part I believed to be true. But thanks to a good team mate of mine and a growing understanding of God's infinite love and wisdom, I can no longer say that I don't "believe" in predestination. Saying that would be like saying I don't believe that all matter is composed of atoms. Alright, that's taking it a little far, considering predestination is not one of those essential Christian beliefs.

The Apostle Paul is fairly clear in Ephesians 1:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.

Maybe that's not enough for you, like it wasn't for me. You think to yourself, "maybe they didn't have different words for 'predestined' and 'foreknew.' I can accept foreknowledge, but not predestination." Such was my feeble defence until I read Romans 8:

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified

It's a hard saying to swallow. If it hadn't been for this mission trip, I think it would have thrown me into a crisis of faith. Like non-believers, young Christians can begin to wonder, "Is God really all that loving if He has predetermined who would go to heaven and who would go to hell? How can a God that loves so perfectly decide beforehand that some of my family and friends will not be with Him for all eternity? Why don't we get a say?" Our flesh decries the seeming injustice of predestination and is appalled at the thought that God would choose beforehand the few to believe. I still have a long way to go in my knowledge of God, but I think this reflects an immature understanding of who God is and His heart for all peoples. Instead of being appalled that He would predestine countless millions or billions to spend eternity apart from him, we should instead be floored by the immeasurable grace that compelled him to invite even just one sinner into his family. It should pierce our hearts to know that he knew even before creation to he would send his only Son to die on the cross, so that we could one day experience true fellowship with him.

I haven't figured it all out. I can't quite explain how God loves even those not predestined for salvation, but I'm he does. It tore at my heart to not know if any of the kids at the nursery would ever come to know Jesus Christ and be saved. If uncertainty, even with the possibility of a favorable end, was so painful, I can only imagine the agony that must grip the Father's heart to know whether or not those little children will turn to him before their time on this earth is up.