giving to gain

By this point in our lives, I think we've all confirmed the claim that it is "better to give than to receive." But personally, I had never given until it hurt until this year. And let me tell you... it did not feel good at first at all. Every month I've been watching my savings from past Christmases, birthdays, and Chinese new years shrink as rent takes a disproportionately large chunk out of my bank account. To make sure I'd have enough money to pay until the end of my lease, I cancelled my meal plan and have been living off about $60 a month for food. (Because of that, I sincerely thank God for all the friends that have swiped me in this semester.)


I'm not going to lie. There were times during the semester when I was looking at my budget and wondering how I could ever continue to sponsor my Compassion child, Stasya. I was in the midst of doubting whether or not it was worth it when I came home to find a stack of letters on my desk, a few of which were from Compassion. For those of you that don't know, a letter from a child is just about the best letter you could ever receive-- think love letter from the boy you've been crushing on for three years... but even better. It's not infatuous (is that even a word?). It's just pure love. When I read that letter from Stasya, who calls me her big sister, I couldn't help but feel heartbroken and ashamed.

In her letter, Stasya thanked me for the money I'd sent her for her birthday. It was one of the most heartfelt thanks I've ever received. And you know what she used the gift for? Clothes. That was the best and the worst part. And by worst I don't really mean it felt bad, it was just convicting. Stasya was overjoyed at receiving a gift that satisfied a need. And here I sit typing on my laptop, next to a desktop, in front of a hi-def TV and a stereo system. In the midst of all this luxury, how could I ever have considered myself incapable of helping to support this innocent and loving child?


I've always had a lot to be thankful for. But this year my little sister half a world away taught me just how thankful I should be for what I have. I'm not really living paycheck to paycheck. Even if I were, I could be fairly sure that I'd get one regularly and for approximately the same amount each time. For Stasya and her family, there is no such certainty. But to them, that's secondary anyway. What matters is that they're together and healthy and happy. I wish we could be the same.