...how is it possible that so many of us still feel so alone?
The other night I was talking to one of my friends and I realized how very sad the human existence can be. I'd like to think that most of you reading this have a group of friends that you can call up to hang out. Unfortunately, the percentage probably drops for those of us with friends that we can share our hearts with. Sometimes it's not enough to have a friend to hug just because you're happy to see each other. Sometimes you need a friend to go to for a hug because you are falling apart, or close to it. Ever the over-generalizer, I can't help but think that too many of us feel that we don't have this latter friend.
It is like we are all human islands, separated by chasms unbridgeable only because of fear. We are afraid to go outside of our comfort zone. We are afraid of letting the walls down. But deep down, I think we all share this basic human desire to be understood. There is something liberating about having someone to spill your guts to. And something choking about keeping it pent up inside. It's like someone is squeezing on your heart just enough to make it hurt. But not enough to make it burst. It's dangerous to just put your heart out on the table. There are too many uncertainties. Can you trust the other person? Will it make things weird? Do they even really care that much? And so on.
Those are far from being minor worries. But sometimes we need to take that leap of faith. You never know what will happen. Maybe you'll be greeted with hostility and awkwardness. Or maybe you will find someone just as lost and just as broken as you are. Maybe you will find someone who will laugh and cry with you. That is a rare a precious gift. But even so, the friendship can be so tragically fragile. To borrow from the cliched butterfly metaphor-- it is all too delicate and ephemeral. Distance doesn't always make the heart grow fonder. Sometimes it just makes the heart more distant. If you have that friend, cherish him or her. Keep them close*. Don't let them go, because they might never come back. (*There are exceptions to this, though.)
With that said, I'd like to let any of you reading this know that you are more than welcome to call, IM, or e-mail me if you need someone to have a serious conversation with. I'm not that close to probably most of you, but if we've already tread the waters a little together, then feel free to contact me whenever (I'm not doing something mandatory) and about whatever. And even if we're not that close and you want to take me up on the offer, then I'd be more than happy to oblige :)
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It is mother's day. If you can, hug your mom and get to know her. If you can't, I'm sorry. Mothers are fountains of knowledge, despite what they sometimes do and say might indicate. I used to hate talking to my mom. She was always nagging me. But this past year I've really learned to treasure my conversations with her. (She still nags me all the time.) I want to write a book about her some day, so I can stop being a profiteering pharmacist. Instead I will be an exploitative author and daughter. You had all better read it.
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